


Cleansing

by faithseed



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Other, Trauma, im still crying so heres this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-29 15:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15732426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithseed/pseuds/faithseed
Summary: John truly is the embodiment of his Sin, and its showing.





	Cleansing

John Seed would never truly be free from sin as so to what he preached. The word he bore so proudly on his chest, as if it was just a reminder of what was. It would never be stripped away no matter how many times he’d carve it into his flesh. John was every definition of the word- every meaning that ever described the sin. 

And Joseph knew this. It was why he was so adamant about John doing what he needed to do. It was why he reminded him constantly of what the consequences were should he fail in his tasks given to him by God. Should he never be free from sin. But he never wanted any of this, he just wanted his brothers back and if doing what Joseph said meant he could have what he wanted, then why shouldn’t he just do it?

He was every sense of the sin Sloth. The failure of his duties, his animosity towards God, the constant recurrence of his sin. The acts he did was never for the Lord or really, even for Joseph. He wasn’t doing these things by the grace of God, to save the people from themselves. They were his own sick release from his past under the guise of being The Baptist. To feed his self-hatred and his resentment towards those who did him wrong under the false pretense of God. He didn’t truly believe.

And Joseph knew this.

So when you came around and  _ fucked _ everything up, John reacted so… recklessly. It was the only word he could accurately describe it as. He was reckless and it was what put him in his situation now. To fall further from Joseph’s path and into the brambles of thorns that was only burying further into his skin, twisting around his body, waiting for the blood to slowly drain from his corpse. 

“I just want to understand something.” You breathed out, exhaustion taking over you. “Your sin is Sloth.”

It wasn’t a question and the way you said it stirred something in him. He was breathing heavily as he leaned against a tree, frowning deeply at your hunched form. Your lip was slit and bleeding- he hated that he wanted to wipe the dark red spot from your mouth. “What of it?”

“So why are you doing this? You don’t believe in this bullshit, do you?” 

John didn’t understand what you were getting at when he should have. He should know what you’re asking- why you were asking it but it was lost on him. “Of course I do. The collapse is upon us and I must save these people. That is God’s will.”

You gave a mocking laugh, shaking your head and sneering at him. He changed his mind- he wished he could continue to make you bleed. “You were a lawyer for Christ sake. You had everything! People don’t just give that up to move to Hope County to preach the Gospel of the Lord.”

“I had  _ nothing! _ ” He seethed. “You don’t know anything,  _ Deputy _ . You better stop now before you get ahead of yourself.”

You rolled your eyes, licking the blood from your lip and then blinking boredly at him. “So what’s the story,  _ John _ ? Why is your sin Sloth? You deemed my sin Wrath, so please, tell me why you have the sin that’s so indescribably apathetic to God.” You paused and spoke your next words cautiously. “What happened to you as a kid? In your life before all this?”

Scorching anger burned under his skin and he stepped forward, fists clenched at his sides. “What do you know about that?”

“It’s not about what I know!” You yelled hotly, startling him only briefly. “It’s about the truth! Get your head out of your brother’s ass just this once. You think you need to save everyone here, but who’s going to save  _ you _ ? Definitely not Joseph!” 

John knew you were just trying to rile him up but  _ fuck _ , it was working. It seemed only fair that he suddenly question everything. But why were you bringing that up? Why would you ask who would save him? Why did you think that Joseph- his own blood- would leave him to suffer more than he already had? Well, because he already knew the answer to all of this. 

“Do you want to save my soul from damnation, Deputy? Is that what this is all about?” He meant it as a crude joke, preparing for you to spit in his face.

Grief overcame your features and you searched his face in desperation. “Do you want me to?” 

His heart wrenched and he’d rather cut it out of his chest than feel this. The way you were looking at him- like you were a heartbroken lover, losing someone you loved and cherished. Like you were losing  _ him _ . He couldn’t remember anyone looking at him that way. Not his brothers or his family, no one who ever made some kind of impact in his life. “Why do you care?”

You took a deep breath and your body relaxed, shoulders shrugging loosely. “I don’t know. Maybe… Maybe I don’t. Maybe I just want this end. It has to end, John Seed. You can walk away- just leave and never come back, or I kill you.” His brows furrowed. “Please don’t make me kill you.”

Now it was your turn to step forward and he thought of how easy it would be to grab you. To wrap his hands around your throat and wait for you to take your last breath. So why didn’t he? He had no reason to trust your word over Joseph’s- to believe for even a moment that maybe you really didn’t want to kill him. John couldn’t say a word for he could not make a decision in that moment. He had to choose whether he lived or died- but  _ why _ ?

“John,  _ please _ .” You practically begged, closing the gap and your hands grabbing his arms. He met your gaze and still refused to speak. “If you want to atone for your sins then do it the way that any other human being would do it. Not by baptism or craving a  _ fucking _ word into your chest. That’s not going to make it go away and you know that. Do your time, get help, and learn from it. If you need help just ask for help.”

He reached up and grabbed your elbows, pulling you closer till your chest was against his. Everything you were saying was right and all he had to do was just say the words. Although, how could he just throw away everything for  _ you _ ? For the Deputy who made his life difficult- who threatened to kill him? What did you feel for him if you were willing to save his damned soul? What did he feel for you? That was something he thought about too often.

“John?”

“I didn’t have anyone, growing up.” His voice was quiet, weary. “My foster family abused me as if God had told them to. They acted as if sin was a stain on my soul that needed to be washed repeatedly. To be scrubbed clean till there was nothing left.” There was a bitterness in his tone that stung like strong liquor against the back of his throat. “I was an easy target- until I learned. I learned from them and I learned to lie. To survive.”

John didn’t have time to prepare for it, your movements too quick. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he was moving forward, his face burying into your shoulder. You might have whispered a weak, “I’m sorry,” but his brain couldn’t process everything fast enough.

It wasn’t like he’s never been hugged before. Because he has, plenty of times. But they were empty and riddled with lies. Your embrace however was warm and gentle and yet very real. You weren’t just hugging him because you had to or took pity on him. The hand cradling the back of his head and the one rubbing his back were soft but protective in a sense that he felt no harm would ever come to him again. 

He never felt this…  _ safe _ , with Joseph. It took him a moment to finally place his hands on your sides, sliding them over your back and holding you. You took a deep breath and he felt you relax just enough, and it felt right. 

“I hope this means you’ve decided to leave.” Your words came in a whisper and he gripped the fabric of your shirt. 

With a short nod, he buried his face into the crook of your neck and just took in your scent and your warmth. You continued to hold him while he lost himself in the stillness- the closeness of another person that wasn’t using him for their own gain. The way the world fell away into nothing and the only thing that matter was you. 

John pulled back and moved his hand to the back of your head, pushing you to him and crushing his lips against yours. Your eyes widened in shock and he fought down his amusement, parting from you and meeting your gaze. 

“I will see you again soon, Deputy.”


End file.
